This is a salutory lesson for camping novices on how to avoid some fundamental camping mistakes. I certainly wish I’d known this before (against my better judgement) I went camping.
Step 1 Make sure you check your equipment before you leave.
TENT If, as I did, you decide to borrow a tent from a mate before shelling out for your own (understandable if, like me, you assume you will never become a regular camper – in my case I knew it was a surefire 100 percent dead certainty that I would not be signing up for The Camping and Caravanning Club – at least not without having my toenails torn out first ) then bloody well check that it what you think it is.
I didn’t do this and blindly accepted the word of my good friend Clare that it did what it said on the can (or in this case the cardboard sleeve).
The description was “Two person tent”. There’s a picture of the ‘reality’ on the right:
If I had remembered to take a picture of myself standing beside this towering edifice, the apex of the tent would have reached to somewhere between my knee and my tummy. (Well a bit nearer the knee actually)
OK, under the Trades Descriptions Act ‘two persons’ probably does embrace two very small people (I’d say aged 6 or under – or possibly Verne Troyer times 2 – if they were holding their breath) but in my book two people usually means normal-sized adults ….. and there was no way anyone more than 5 feet tall was going to fit in that tent. It might have accommodated the bags – but not the people – and certainly not both!
SLEEPING BAG Again check beforehand. If your mate offers you her 15 year old daughter’s sleeping bag, assume it will have seen some interesting service and be prepared to shake out all the dried grass clippings before you climb in.
INFLATABLE MATTRESS When your sister tells you she and her boyfriend had the most comfortable night of their lives on this, assume the worst. Comfortable is obviously a euphemism and yes it will be punctured and will slowly deflate as you sleep on it, bringing you into a premature acquantaince with the local topography.
Step 2 Check out the venue first
Make sure you pick a spot that is level. Otherwise you may find yourself slowly sliding down a hill. Nuff said.
Step 3 Have a Plan B.
Now this one I did get right. This my first UK camping venture was in a large field attached to my sister’s garden and so within striking distance of the house. She told me the house would be banned to all campers – but the sight of my Happy Footballer tent made her relent and allow access to the guest suite. This had the added ENORMOUS advantage of including use of an en suite bathroom and avoiding the necessity of using the canvas portaloo in the field.
Now I know a lot of you will be thinking ‘What the hell? the woman never even went camping!’ But that in my view is RESULT! I did get to erect the tent (or tentette). I sat round the campfire. I joined in the old esprit de corps of happy campers – but then got to do what all sane people want to do – sleep in a big comfortable bed with a bathroom attached. Bliss!
Don’t make the same mistake as Clare as you might not be lucky enough to have easy access to an ensuite and comfortable bed. Instead our Savvy Shopper has some gret tips on choosing the right tent >> How to buy the right tent
FOOTNOTE
I did actually have one prior camping experience. It was in the Outback. We didn’t bother with tents and just slept in swags under the stars. On the second night one of the campers woke to find a dingo licking his face (yeuchhh!!!!). As we were breaking the camp we discovered our can of Milo (no Aussie is without one) had disappeared. So a dingo didn’t steal my baby but it did steal my Milo. Dangerous business this camping,
Posted by Bob Fleming (unregistered) on July 21, 2009 at 11:22am
I would heartily endorse your comments on choice of tent. Last week, my son, his wife and their 3-yr-old set off for a holiday in St Ives, armed with an all-singing, all-dancing "room" tent kindly bought by Sarah's mum. In their efforts to set it up before an imminent deluge, two of the poles simply snapped. Fortunately they had a receipt and demanded a refund on their return. All ended happily in a cosy caravan. The undoubted moral, though, is to try out your tent well before you go, give it some welly and generally see that (as far as can be predicted) it lives up to the manufacturer's claims.