Christmas can be a time of major stress for some people. Families are brought together and spend hours cooped up in a small enclosed space (even the largest living room seems small with an irritating relative in it). Issues that have been simmering all year find themselves surfacing and being aired. And all this aided and abetted by a never ending flow of alcohol and rich food. It’s no wonder that tempers flare. But help is at hand…
Exploding the Christmas myth
One of the big problems is that we are constantly fed this myth that Christmas is all about happy families that never bicker or fight. We’ve all seen the films where the Christmas decorations are always perfect. The tree is huge and brightly lit, with hundreds of perfectly wrapped presents spread around its roots.
The family sit around the perfectly laid out festive table; their faces shining with delight at the perfect food that they are being served. All the family are laughing, smiling and kissing each other. The presents are always perfect and just what the other person wanted. At the end of the evening as everyone stands around the piano singing carols there is always that unexpected guest that turns up. Unexpected but oh so welcome and who just makes the day …… perfect.
But hang on, just remember this is in the movies. It is not reality. Reality is far from perfect. The family are all arguing and the kids are fed up with waiting for the adults. Uncle George has had too much to drink and is in danger of becoming an embarrassment, Great Auntie Maude has done nothing but complain since she arrived. One minute she is too hot, the next too cold. The sofa is too soft, but the chair is too hard.
The turkey is still frozen, but the potatoes are burned. That unexpected guest is actually far from welcome, and far from drawing up an extra chair, you barely have enough to feed the expected guests, let alone the unexpected ones. Mum is in meltdown and dad is asleep…yea… you get the picture.
But a “normal” non-celluloid Christmas is often far from perfect - but it can still be a happy Christmas if you manage your time, your money and expectations (both yours and other people’s)…
Rule Tip 1 There are no rules!
Yes, there should be a basic outline of how the day will pan out, otherwise there will be mayhem, but don’t set it in stone. If you have a cast iron plan for the day something is bound to go wrong. However if you allow for changes and permit yourself to be flexible, things will go much smoother. If mum says lunch will be at 2 and you are still waiting at 4… don’t panic. You will get fed eventually. Have some peanuts.
Tip 2 Don’t expect perfection as there is no such thing
Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, so we will all have different opinions about what constitutes perfection. So on that basis it is almost impossible for anything to be perfect for everybody. Somebody will always be disappointed.
The key to this tip is about letting things go. Don’t sweat about the little things. Yes, it would be lovely for the food to be perfect, but if the potatoes are not quite right, no problem. Your guests are there to see you and not your perfect food. If all they wanted perfect food they could go to a restaurant.
Tip 3 Accept that some things just ‘are’
You are who you are, warts and all, but by the same token other people are who they are. Don’t try to change them and don’t expect them to miraculously change because it is Christmas.
This close contact highlights and exacerbates other family members’ foibles and idiosyncrasies, but just remember it is possible that you are also considered the alien member of the family in somebody else’s eyes. What you think is normal behaviour might be a bit extreme, or unusual, to somebody else who is not used to it on a day to day level.
So with this mind why not give that awkward member of the family a bit of slack. Just accept that we are all different and let it go. You only do this once a year, so why ruin it by rising to the bait ?
Tip 4 Preparation, preparation, preparation
Try to organise as much as possible in advance. Don’t leave your Christmas shopping until the Christmas Eve – you will only get incredibly stressed by the crowds, the lack of stock in the shops and the fact that everything seems to be more expensive at the last minute. Don’t expect your local petrol station to be suddenly filled with an array of tempting gifts….it won’t and you will be disappointed.
This also goes for food as well. If you are responsible for making the Christmas meal don’t leave your shopping until the day before. Think about it in advance and stock up on necessities.
Try to do as much of the preparation and cooking as you can in advance to allow yourself time to spend some time with your family. One little trick I always do is to make sure I have some things in the freezer like roast potatoes etc. so that if I completely mess up the meal, I always have a back up plan.
Tip 5 Delegate
Get everyone involved. Give them chores like peeling potatoes and it will make it your life so much easier and definitely less resentful.
Tip 6 Set a budget…and stick to it
Presents don’t have to be expensive to show someone that you love them. It really is the thought that counts. It is much nicer for someone to spend a few minutes thinking about you, rather than simply going to the nearest shop and just buying something.
Tip 7 Take time out
Don’t think that you have to be a superhuman and do everything yourself.
Take some time out to enjoy yourself. Sit down, relax and do what you want to do. If that means going and soaking in a long hot bath then do it.
Tip 8 Breathe
When we are stressed we stop breathing properly. Our breath gets caught and contributes to feeling even more stressed. Remember to take slow deep breaths and keep reminding yourself to breathe in the good and out the bad. And if you still feel really stressed try using relaxation tapes and self hypnosis.
Tip 9 Exercise
Make sure that you get out of the house and get some fresh air and exercise at some point during the day – even if it’s just a brisk walk to the bottle bank to recycle some of those empties. Exercise is one of the best ways of combating stress.
…and finally
Tip 10 Remember Christmas comes but once a year!
Just keep telling yourself it is only 1 day in the whole year If all else fails buy your family the latest must have pressies….PUB VOUCHERS. Then you can tell them all to nip off down to the pub and spend their vouchers whilst you soak in the bath!
How to relax in the run up to Christmas
Our selection of self-help audio downloads designed to help you overcome the press of Christmas. Find some unwind time.
» Overcome a stressful Christmas will relax you deeply and prepare your mind to feel chilled and calm about the prospect of Christmas. You’ll find yourself feeling more relaxed during the holiday season and actually enjoying Christmas. » More about this download
» Enjoy family gatherings is an audio hypnosis session created by experienced psychologists which uses the power of deep hypnosis to help you develop – and maintain – a state of mind which will transform your experience of get-togethers. » More about this download
Posted by Jenny Peterson (unregistered) on December 23, 2009 at 8:06pm
Brilliant advice, Hilary! Last year, I took my boys out on Christmas eve for some fun, but I still needed to go to the store for Christmas breakfast food (I like to put on a feast first thing in the morning), so I asked my younger son to go online and find out the store hours. Well, we got the hours wrong, all the grocery stores were closed and I had no "appropriate" food to serve the next morning. We wound up going to a gas station and buying juice, rolls, bacon and Spam! I was appalled at first, but quickly got into the spirit, and now the boys (teenagers, of course) want Spam again "as our new tradition." Great lesson in adjusting my attitude and expectations, and it turned out great!!